Monthly Archives: January 2015

Preventing Abuse

I faced chronic abuse (physical abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect) as a child. In this post, I’m discussing techniques to protect oneself from abuse. Two major strategies are:

  1. Making oneself less susceptible to abuse.
  2. Getting away from the abuser.

You might want to give your abuser another chance. Maybe they are abuse victims passing on the abuse, or you believe they are really good at heart, or they are family, or you believe they can change, etc. It may be better to fortify yourself from abuse instead of getting away from the abuser.

But keep in mind that you do not owe the abuser a second chance. Even if the abuser is an ex-victim passing on abuse, or whatever the mitigating factors are, the decision to stay with them should not involve you sacrificing your well-being.

There are advantages of fortifying yourself from abuse instead of getting away from the abuser. Many people, especially those who have faced child abuse, have difficulty in identifying abuse, and in protecting themselves from abuse. Many of them end up getting chronically abused as adults. If you fit this pattern, you might want to use an abuser to learn how to identify abuse, and protect yourself. You can decide later whether to get away from them. This strategy can fix your long-term vulnerabilities. But do make sure that things don’t go out of control.

Transition and Gender Identity

Many people, confuse transition and being transgender.

One do not need to take any steps to transition to be transgender. Taking more effort to transition does not make one more transgender than someone who takes lesser effort.

If one take less effort to transition, they are more likely to be misgendered, but it is not their fault, it is a fault of society.

If one present visibly outside the binary (like Conchita Wurst), they are likely to be face violence and hostility, again, it is not their fault, it is a fault of society.

Post-transition transgender people face societal pressure to be heterosexual. In terms of numbers, a larger fraction of transgender people are homosexual, asexual, skoliosexual, etc. than cisgender people.

Ironically, social pressure to conform to the gender binary is stronger for post-transition transgender people than for cisgender people.

I find that I face a lot of social pressure in my transition. To counter this, for every step I take to transition, I first decide whom I am doing it for: for myself, or for societal acceptance.