Shea Emma Fett on Gaslighting. She stresses that It’s Normal Not to Be Able to Remember What Happened.
I faced chronic abuse (physical abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect) as a child. In this post, I’m discussing techniques to protect oneself from abuse. Two major strategies are:
- Making oneself less susceptible to abuse.
- Getting away from the abuser.
You might want to give your abuser another chance. Maybe they are abuse victims passing on the abuse, or you believe they are really good at heart, or they are family, or you believe they can change, etc. It may be better to fortify yourself from abuse instead of getting away from the abuser.
But keep in mind that you do not owe the abuser a second chance. Even if the abuser is an ex-victim passing on abuse, or whatever the mitigating factors are, the decision to stay with them should not involve you sacrificing your well-being.
There are advantages of fortifying yourself from abuse instead of getting away from the abuser. Many people, especially those who have faced child abuse, have difficulty in identifying abuse, and in protecting themselves from abuse. Many of them end up getting chronically abused as adults. If you fit this pattern, you might want to use an abuser to learn how to identify abuse, and protect yourself. You can decide later whether to get away from them. This strategy can fix your long-term vulnerabilities. But do make sure that things don’t go out of control.
Marital rape is legal in India, as per section 375 of the Indian Penal Code. “Sexual intercourse by man with his own wife, the wife not being under 15 years of age, is not rape.” Society supports marital rape as well: “It was, therefore, felt that if the marital rape is brought under the law, the entire family system will be under great stress and the Committee may perhaps be doing more injustice.”
Child abuse is not seen as a problem. Most children face abuse from parents, teachers and others. Emotional abuse, physical abuse and neglect are not recognized as abuse. Sometimes, sexual abuse is condoned as well. There is nothing comparable to the Child Protective Services of the United States. Children of abusive parents/guardians have nowhere to go.